On Love and Sex Courtesy of Son Goku
by Gilded Blue
Summary: I feel the anger and hurt in your heart that Bra and I found our ways to each other. You devote yourself so entirely to your family and feel that I have betrayed you. I am so sorry.
1. On Sex and Love

**On Sex + Love... Courtesy of Son Goku **

I leaned back, feeling the cool night air brush over the thin layer of sweat on my cheeks. I closed my eyes in satisfaction, sighing contentedly as I stretched out a finger to curl around Bra's shoulder. From her shoulder, to the curve of her clavicle, down to cup her warm, inviting breasts, and back up again.

I looked over at her, still young and beautiful lying naked next to me on the blanket. She was resourceful and creative, wicked and arrogant, vain and intelligent. It was nearly too much for me to bear, the female child of Bulma and Vegeta.

I looked over a little and saw that distracted look on her face and sighed. Bra was always around, mostly naked, but never present. There you go, you've made me jealous of something I can't see or confront.

I never know who's on your mind.

"Bra..." I called out your name and you looked over at me.

"Yes?" You asked. I bit my lip, unsure. I just wanted to see if you would look back at me, respond at all.

Your jaded eyes do sigh in disappointment when you look at me this time. You know I'm all out of things to say and just trying to get your attention. "Uh," I stutter a little, "I was just wondering if you'd seen your dad lately."

Bra shrugged a little bit. "Dad's been living off the compound lately. I'll tell him you want to spar together when he returns, but it probably won't be for weeks."

She says it with no emotion at all. I tried to catch her eyes, but she was so like Vegeta. In some ways you even kind of remind me of Eighteen. Over time your eyes slanted like a cat's, ready for her prey.

"I see. So since your mother-"

"Goku, it's really weird when you try to talk to me after." She wrapped her arms around herself a little, as if protecting herself from her disgust at my words.

"Oh."

"But I tell you what. I'm in a generous mood today." Quickly, Bra began to dress herself. "So you want to talk, do you?"

I pulled my pants on, leaving the remainder of my outfit in rags on the dirt path in the middle of the forest. "I don't know. Don't you feel like we should know each other?"

"What's there to know?"

"Well..." I put my hands on my head, wondering what was up with all of the questions. "I don't know, when you do what we did usually-"

"Goku. You're just living in the past. You're getting older," She giggled a little bit at me. Deranged little princess that she was.

Nonetheless, I felt the pain. I looked in the direction of ChiChi's grave, as if worried that she heard Bra's voice in the distance. Bra sensed my nervousness and tsked a little at me. "You're just behind in the times. We're not doing anything special at all, Goku."

I frowned at Bra, but let her walk ahead of me, as if examining my forest for the first time. She looked around and sighed a little bit. "It really is beautiful out here, though."

I came up from behind and wrapped my arms around her. She willingly leaned into me. "I know," I said into her ear.

* * *

I was running. I was running so fast that I could barely breathe. Yes, I, Son Goku, strongest warrior to survive, was out of breath. When I felt Vegeta's ki disappear slowly into the night, descend into an eternal darkness, I knew what I had to do.

When I found her, she was on her knees, rocking just a little bit.

"No matter how old you get, you'll never stop being his little girl." I looked over at her. I kept my tone gentle and my touch light as I rested my hand on her shoulder.

She burst into tears while I was in mid sentence. I knelt down next to her. It began to rain, as the gods mourned for beautiful Bra's loss. She looks over at me. "My dad would hate it if I fucked you the night he died." She was looking straight in my eyes. She didn't blink once.

This is something about her that drives me crazy, how she can say things so senselessly warped. She stares at me a little bit.

"Bra, you shock me when you say things like that."

When I tried to help her up, she stumbled and ended up on the pavement. On her hands and knees, hiding behind her beautiful azure locks she began to sob. "Why did he leave me?" It was as though she was trying to focus all of her strength on just saying those words, wrapping her mind around her father's death.

I wrapped my arms around her, and held her close to me for a long while. With a kiss atop of her head, I brushed her hair out of her face.

"Someone's coming." She said, but I already felt it.

Trunks.

"Get the Hell away from my sister!"

"Trunks!" Bra whined a little. "Please just leave us alone."

Trunks frowned at his sister, his emotions running wild. I wonder if I would feel this way if put in his place. Blood was running down his palms from his nails digging into his skin. I felt so much sympathy for him, for the beating that he was about to take.

All this in the name of Vegeta.

Well, let's give 'em a bout that they'll talk about for years, eh, Trunks? For Vegeta!

Great warrior prince of ours, dead.

Bra cries silently in the distance. When I return, bloody and bruised, Bra wraps her legs around me and we're one until sunrise.

* * *

Vegeta spat in my face. "Bed _my daughter, _will you?"

"Vegeta, I'm sor-"

"Silence!" Vegeta boomed. "Do not try to excuse your disgusting behaviors. I know full well that you're merely trying to replace your harpy wife-"

I growled in response. "Don't talk about ChiChi that way!"

Vegeta got into a fighting stance. I matched him. "Do not make the mistake of thinking that you will win this fight."

"Don't make the mistake of seeing any reason for me to not, Vegeta." I get a little cocky with him. "I'm not going to go easy on you just because Bulma's dead and Bra's all you've got."

Vegeta growled at me.

"Trunks sure doesn't get to see you that much anymore."

"Stay away from my family!" Vegeta let out a final battle cry. We fought with blood in our eyes and on our minds. The battle lasted days. It was epic and gruesome. For a while there we matched each other punch for punch. In the end, our awesome power did not bring anyone back to life at all. But Bra was waiting for me, outside of Capsule Corporations, and thought that it would be really funny if we did it in some lab of her mother's. I slept for nearly a week.

* * *

It is Bulma's death anniversary. It is so hard for you on these days since Vegeta died. Trunks hasn't been the same since our battle. When I ask you about him, you still give me that sarcastic tone and find some way to tell me to get out of your life.

I try to think of what Vegeta would do. He would want to just give you something, rather than talking about it. You prefer to not talk about it anyway.

But what?

I go for a walk. Your things are strewn all about my house. Your books, your clothes, shoes. Sometimes you cook for me. I think you only learned how to cook to get my attention sometimes.

"So," I looked around. A gift for Bra. What can I give Bra? I scratched my head a little bit. Suddenly, I had it! I snapped my fingers.

"I'll get Bra something sweet!"

Excited by my genius, I made haste to West City. Walking along the streets, I waited for something to hit me. The bustle of the city never changes, the hum and excitement. The clothes change. The vernacular. But a city is a city. I sighed a little bit.

When I looked at my reflection in the mirror, I saw on one side of my ChiChi, young and beautiful like she was when we first married on my shoulder. An angel. My angel. Then, on the left there was Bra. Her hands were on her hips. She was ready to spew off verbal abuse or commands. To tell me that I wasn't doing it hard enough. That I wasn't doing it good enough for her.

I rubbed the sunlight out of my eyes a little bit and walked into the first obvious sweet shop on the busy street. "Oh wow, Ice cream!" I grinned and ran to the counter.

"I need to get an ice cream cake." I looked at the manager. He blinked at me a little and began asking the most absurd questions.

"Uh. I like that one, with the strawberries and ice cream. She loves strawberries." I pointed at a pretty little cake. With a grin he picked it up. He named the price.

I stared at him a little blankly. "Oh. Is, uh, this," I pulled out a few bills, "the right currency?"

He greedily snatched the cash and told me to leave. I made my way to your house, your room, where you were standing half-naked probably getting ready to see someone else.

"Hey!" I waved at you a little bit, smiling as big as I could.

"What are you doing here?"

"I thought I'd bring you something. Just to cheer you up." I looked down at the little offering of mine.

Something about her softened at the sight of it. "I never told you I liked chocolate icing, Goku. How did you know?"

I grinned a little. "Just intuition."

_Whew. _

A little softened, she opens up. "So, are you coming to the memorial?" She was putting on black stockings, fastening a black push up-bra, standing there in a lacy black thong. How pale her skin looked. She was standing there in her pumps, looking at me.

I couldn't think of anything but having sex with you right then and there, to be honest with you. I stepped forward with a smirk on my face, because I know the only way I can distract you is to challenge you.

You don't have time to put on the dress or the little veiled hat. You're watching me with narrowed eyes. "What is it that you want to do, then?"

I crushed my lips against yours in response. "You need to wear a black suit. I'm sure I can have you fitted to something." You're pulling my clothes off, ready to have me.

You didn't look at me once. Trunks gave a beautiful speech on Bulma's contributions to society.

When we got back to your condo, it did not take much more than me taking off your dress for you to burst out in tears, crying, "I just miss her so much... She really held it all together, you know?"

* * *

It's the anniversary of ChiChi's death now, time seems to have started crawling since the memorial. Bra's sleeping next on me on ChiChi's side of the bed. It's just turned light outside. I let her sleep in.

I was walking through the forest when I heard a noise. My eyes narrowed. ChiChi's grave. I ran over there to find my oldest son waiting for me. Flowers were in his hands. Goten had been there, too.

"How's Bra doing, Dad?"

I coughed a little bit. "I just wanted to come uh, say hi. I didn't mean to interrupt you."

Gohan left the bouquet. He whispered something gently to the stone. I didn't try to listen in.

"Pan missed you, you know." Gohan was walking away.

"I miss her!"

"Every time she asks what her special training is, I never know what to say."

Cheap shot, son.

I feel the anger and hurt in your heart that Bra and I found our ways to each other. You devote yourself so entirely to your family and feel that I have betrayed you.

I am so sorry.

"ChiChi..." I said your name, hoping it would inspire more sentences that would follow comfortably. "I've really missed you. Things have gotten crazy since you left me. I know that Bulma left us first, but you made it real, Chi. Gohan really loves you. I hope that, even if you hate me, you send him all of your love. Goten, too."

I felt a breeze roll over my shoulders. It was you in the wind that day, I know it.

* * *

It was the night all those years ago that I buried my wife. I was hysterical, unable to control my emotions. Goten had smarted off. Unable to contain my anger, a battle began.

I knocked my son out. He hasn't spoken to me since.

Bra was waiting for me after the battle. At that time I found this to be abnormal. "You're Vegeta's little girl, aren't you?"

She nodded. "All grown up. I'm sorry my dad didn't come."

"How has he been?"

Bra's eyes watered a little bit. This would be the last night I saw that level of innocence in them. She seemed so helpless in that moment, and I so mighty, that I went with the horrible urge to have her completely and totally.

She grabbed my wrist and pulled me into our room. I pulled her dress over her but ripped off her bra and panties. In anticipation, I watched her run her dainty hands over my chest. It was as though she was examining me, exploring a body she'd seen many times in a new way.

I wonder if this is the first time we really saw each other as two sides of one coin.

* * *

I remember the first time I saw you as a teenager. You won't talk about your mom very much. I don't think you ever got over her death.

You were crying all alone on a bench outside. It was only my nature. "Bra?" I called out your name. It hurt me to look at you that day.

We both know why.

We both know this is when and where this all started. And God, oh, ChiChi was still alive! I remember how trusting she was that day. She was so fragile and I knew that her time was limited, but still I indulged in you!

The self loathing I experience on a day-to-day basis is nearly maddening.

"Who are you?" You asked curiously. You didn't even remember me. "You look like Goten."

"I'm his dad. I was a friend of your mom's."

"You were?" You bit your lip at me.

"I am." I nodded gently.

With big blue eyes you asked, "Why haven't I seen you around before?"

I looked down, guilty. "I did see you, a long time ago. Didn't your mom ever mention me?"

"Hmn..." She began to think, and suddenly smiled, "Are you Goku? Son Goku?"

I grinned at her.

"At your service..."

Her expression turned serious for a moment. "Really?"

"What?" I asked, not understanding.

"Goku," She asks earnestly, "Did you love my mother?"

"Well, sure, Bra."

Bra's eyes widen in delight. "So you should care about me, too?"

"Of course." I say, not knowing what I'm committing myself to. I see to do that so often.

"Will you do whatever it takes to help me, Goku? To save me? Like you did with my mom. Will you protect me from anything?"

I smiled weakly at her. "Sure, Bra. But what do you need me to-"

"Even myself. Promise." She was insistent.

I looked down at Bra, her pretty round eyes and lips. She was like a little doll. I groaned mentally, knowing full and well that when Vegeta found it all out he would try to defeat me and I would have to defend myself.

"I promise, Bra. But Bra?"

She looked up at me, needing me entirely.

And this is what I get, that's what I get for bailing on you when you needed me.

"I need to get back to ChiChi, at least for now. Give my regards to your father." I said formally. I turned around.

I take it all back. I had no idea when I left her that day that by the time my wife died soon after, she would sleep next to me on my wife's side of the bed.

* * *

When I think about love and sex, the lines are so blurred. Why is it possible that I miss sex with ChiChi if Bra embodies female sensuality? How is it so that I always feel it in my heart when Bra is sick or needs me? When she's sad or wounded and just wants someone to be there?

Why is it that, say, I take Bra's verbal abuse and her being bossy and unkind, if I only care about sleeping with her?

How do we suit each other so poorly, and yet so well?

And ChiChi, I miss dear ChiChi. Sweet ChiChi. Warm, loving ChiChi.

Love and sex don't have to be two different things, Bra. I promise. I'm waiting for you to understand that too.

* * *

-CL


	2. On Hedonism and Eroticism

**On Hedonism + Eroticism… Courtesy of Bura Briefs-Vegeta**

_So love is kind of like a foot cramp: inconvenient, painful, and short-lived. It's not bad enough to ruin my life, or even usually my day, but it sure as Hell fucking hurts in the meantime. _

"I don't think Vegeta ever really became a Daddy until after Bra was born. Trunks, sure, Vegeta's always been proud of his son and maybe on virtue of that had some vague, warped appreciation of _fatherhood. _Vegeta did," She laughed through her cigarette, "Have issues with his father, you know. Don't let me confuse you. Vegeta loved Trunks, but Bra? Vegeta _adored _Bra. He thought she was the best thing ever." Bulma crosses her legs. The camera tilts down just slightly to focus on her cleavage. Bulma puts her hand over the lens, but you can still see her bright blue eyes between her thin fingers. "Yamucha!"

"Sorry, sorry." A little chuckle comes from behind. On the screen spectators view Bulma Briefs' bedroom. She's sitting there smoking, with the window opened and the breeze brushing the smoke out and out. Curtains dance very timidly, for they are thick and expensive. Bulma relaxes on her couch, still glaring at Yamucha as if she distrusts him now.

Bra looks uncomfortable over at her brother. They are sitting on polar sides of the long couch, watching home movies in the old family room at Capsule Corporations. Bulma has died of cancer. Vegeta leaves for long spans of time, presumably either in mourning or to train or both. Trunks and Bra are separated by work and relationships but on this evening come together, in the name of their beloved mother, as they dig through little pieces of their past. Her look is torn between _Do we have to do this _and _Help me get through it. _Trunks is squinting ahead stoically.

"Anyway, and make sure you cut that part out, Idiot," Bulma continues, "Vegeta really thought of the four of us as a family after Bra. Before that Trunks was kind of part of his arsenal and I was, well…" She pauses to think. Yamucha jumps in.

"Sex?" Yamucha offered.

Bulma gave something like a wicked smile and a glare. She is both amused and annoyed as she shoots him The Finger. "Yeah. Well, anyway, here she is, my little girl." An image of a two-year old Bra asleep on her mother's bed, snuggling up to her father's pillow appeared on the screen. Occasionally she scrunches her nose adorably. Yamucha laughs a little, softly.

"She sure is beautiful, Bulma. She's going to be a heart breaker. But I don't think she likes your smoking."

"Trunks has gotten pretty used to it over the years. He's probably going to be a compulsive smoker like me when he's older, he's got the same sort of high-strung type A personality that Dad and I have." You can hear the sound of Bulma's laughter as you watch the chest of the little girl rise and fall peacefully in sweet slumber. "And, not if Vegeta has anything to do with it. He's so protective of her. I don't think he's serious when he says that she can't date until she's past her thirties. I have a feeling this place is going to turn into a hell-hole as soon as Bra hits puberty… "

Bura stands up. Without a word she exits the room. Trunks does not call her back. Trunks does not do anything at all.

* * *

Look at you. Glaring at me. Calling me immoral. What are you doing with your life, huh? What are you doing with yourself that's so damned great? Have you done it with a _god? _Have you made something great out of yourself? The pieces don't always come together so nicely, that doesn't mean that it doesn't mean anything.

I am still not getting what I want.

You know, the more I drink, and the more that I take, the less that I care about anything at all. I've realized this very recently. And I'm meeting new people, and I'm making new friends.

Gokou's been pretty quiet these nights. It's kind of like passing your time with one person while you're waiting to see another. That's how I feel, anyway. I know he cares about me; he's made it pretty obvious, but I know we're both thinking about someone else. He's always been there for me, since my mom died, then my father…

I'm trying really hard to forget, and there you go reminding me again. If anything I regret that my boyfriend, or whatever you want to call him, is so close to the family. Really, it's something else.

"Bura, what do you know about Son Goku?" My brother's shouting this in my face. Rage is blazing in his icy azure eyes. For a moment his glare reminds me of something painful like my father, but I shake it off with a glare that matched my brother's, menacing and cold.

You know sex changes everything. From the moment I lost it, I knew that my life would forever be different. I mean, it's not like I planned on one day seducing the strongest man in the universe, I just kind of expected him to have a little more will-power. They say he's strong, but I play a quick game of _test your boundaries _because _what else would I do_, I'm kind of expecting him to push back, and as it turns out he's not so strong after his wife dies and the loneliness has set in. I cannot say anything to my brother, as much as I think, and he just shouts at me more because he wants me to react, to answer, or to at least agree to quit running around with abhorrent behavior forever.

I'm daring you, tell me, how is any of this my fault anyway? He's a grown man. He can make his own choices. I didn't do anything. _I had no way of knowing if I took all my clothes off he was going to want to have sex… _

Sometimes I feel so guilty I just want to…

* * *

So she started worshiping beauty for its own sake. Art feeds the spirit while drugs numb the heart. Depravity as a form of nonconformity consumes her every thought. Subscribing to boredom as a result of being over-privileged and now you have too much. Nothing tastes good anymore, nothing really hits her or seems like it's all that worth obtaining because she already has everything. Consumed with something like innate selfishness and possibly brilliance. Impurity that runs so deep you don't know what to do with it. Wickedness abound.

Pretty little dollface, unchanging, the sort of frozen beauty you only read about. What am I supposed to do but go mad? As long as I'm beautiful I'm here and alive and real, so why do I feel like fucking Harlot Barbie, special edition with the matching hair and eyes? Keep me in a box and I'll be worth a whole lot at some point decades and decades from now, but open me up and I'm worthless in five minutes and discarded on somebody's bed when the sun comes up and we all have to go back to real life again.

Am I even making sense anymore?

These are the things that I think of, for it is what I focus on just to keep it all together. Want to criticize me? Fine, I anticipate your hatred with joy and eagerness. I've lived more in the past year of my life than you ever will, remember this well. The things I do are enthralling, if not despicable, and I absolve myself of everything.

The clock ticks on and still I feel as though I'm saying nothing. You're not getting my point, you guys. But I promise you would love me if you did.

"You know, you and your father had the _exact _same little over-confidence issue!" He says, half with a smile, half a smirk He's looking at me with those daring eyes, like he wants to know how I'll react to him bringing up my father. He's naked from the chest up and somehow this is my favorite. He seems calm, stretched almost lazily back against the headboard.

What's a girl supposed to do when she's told to get on stage but perform? She's got an audience, and she's ready and willing. "I've misunderstood you, I'm sure. My father had no issue with arrogance."

Gokou's lips relax into something like a smile. "I don't mean anything by it, Bra. I know you're Vegeta's little princess, after all."

I bite my lip as he almost chides me. There I am, my brows knit in frustration at the reminder and nothing.

We remember the night my father battled Gokou differently, or the most recent time, I guess. Before my father died.

The clock is strumming along and it's really rather indifferent to my plight and yours, don't you think?

**Flashback to Gokou and my Dad**

"**Bed my daughter, will you?" His voice is really raging this out. I don't think I've ever seen him so angry. At this moment I truly believe my father will find a way to destroy Goku and make me mop up his blood with an iron bucket. He's unrecognizably furious, and to say the least outraged and disgusted at both of us, and even though this was the expected response I believe at the time neither of us thought anyone would catch us. We felt invincible when we were together, how wrong we were. I bet the fall was pretty hard. **

**My father in this instance seems so intense that the only thing I can do is hide. I can't hear what they're saying even though their voices are loud. The fight has begun and it seems that Goku's really gotten Dad angry. I wonder why Goku's gone and provoked my Dad, but I guess none of that particularly matters at this point. **

* * *

_Brother, I've been reading these books…_

_Oh? He asks. He takes his glasses off and looks at the thirteen year old version of myself. _

_Yeah. Like Dorian Gray and Dangerous Liaisons. _

_That's an interesting selection._

_I was hoping you would shed some light on the idea of… corruption._

_How do you mean? He asks. He's looking a little uncomfortable now, and I know I only have once chance to ask this question the right way. Tough thing is I'm not exactly sure what question I want to ask, exactly. Which question is the most important, the most relevant, and how exactly ought s it be phrased?_

_Well, do you think that people want to be corrupt, or to corrupt, innately? Do we just love symbolic power so much that we feel the need to destroy and humiliate others, or to be destroyed and warped, is natural? _

_Hmm… Trunks' forehead is sort of stiff like my dad's got when he was in thought. Right, but I think the more important way of thinking about it is that ethics need not apply to art, Bura. _

_Right._

* * *

Of course.

From that day on my life just became one huge piece of concept art. Too bad the biggest, baddest, toughest guy around didn't quite get it. And when the day that we met up again for the first time in a while, I tested my boundaries and you're the one that let me in.

To your defense, you were acting very oddly that day. Before I had known you to be kind and patient and loving. This is way before you began training me, and ChiChi has just died.

Goten glared over at Goku. "You've killed my mother! You, going off on your training missions! You were never here for us, and you almost never visited."

Goku looks a bit defensive, "Goten, I had to take Uub on as a pupil. You have to understand how important it was that that sort of power is mastered!" Son Gokou looks so eager and he's practically pleading with his son to forgive the neglect, for it was with good intentions.

"You're so full of it." Goten snarls in Gokou's face. And then something very shocking happens: Goku's arm extends. His fist connects with Goten's cheek.

"Uh, Bra, we'd better go." Trunks says this to me, grabbing me by the wrist. He's trying to lead me out, but I look back. Other people are leaving as well, quickly, letting Goten and Goku grieve alone. I managed to slip away from Trunks and when I made it back I had time to watch the end of the fight.

Goku with ease eventually overwhelmed Goten and he fell hard to the ground. I have no idea how many hours he was out for. Either way, I hear his voice from behind, exhausted and… sad. "You're Vegeta's little girl, aren't you?"

"All grown up." I said, fixing my eyes on him, "I'm sorry my dad didn't come."

"How has he been?" Goku asks, curious. It's weird to think that he always asks of my dad, even after all of the things we do. I'd rather he didn't.

I, of course, feel awful that he brings my father up. The subject is just entirely too complicated. He ought to leave it alone, it's so irritating that he doesn't. I decided to distract him. I guess this was the point where not only did I realize Goku was probably the strongest guy around, but also that it was practically my destiny to see how far I could go with this guy. I took him by the arm and we made our way back.

Really, I didn't do anything. But I must say, I'm always going to be in awe at that body of his. No matter what he does, he's always going to be gorgeous. It's a curse. I didn't try that hard, he wanted it just as much as I did. Or something like that, I guess. Light in the darkness, right? The power of good, all that stuff. Why would he sleep with me? Why didn't he reject me and take the higher ground?

Mystery of the ages, my friends.

* * *

Before my dad died, he found out about Goku and me fooling around. I mean, of course he and Goku battled. But there was another incident afterwards that was equally traumatic.

Our conversation was strained, hysterical and emotional.

"You ought to go find your Kakarot, Bura, because he doesn't have long left to live without medical care."

See? Dad never wanted anyone else to die. Right?

I didn't say a word, actually. I was trying to figure out where to call him _Daddy _or _Dad _or nothing at all.

"Daddy…?" I whispered, tears caught up in my throat but streaming across my face.

"What?" He hisses, loudly. For the first time in my life I don't know what to do or how exactly to act. He seems so impatient and infuriated with me.

"I, uh-" I start, playing with my fingers.

"I don't have time for this!" My dad growls this at me, and forces his way by me. He goes to the Gravity Chamber I'm sure.

I felt sick, and things were moving really quickly. By _things _I guess I should elaborate. My life. My thoughts. All of the objects surrounding me began spinning. I started coughing to suppress a gag, stumbled back and fell to the ground with hard tears escaping my eyes, "Daddy… I'm so sorry…" I choke out, and he doesn't care, because he didn't hear me, because he didn't want to be around me, because he hated me, because he caught me sleeping with Son Goku. I guess I can't blame him but I want to anyway. Dads aren't supposed to believe in irreparable damage.

_Flashback to Bura Briefs-Vegeta fighting with her mother:_

"_Ugh!" Her mother throws her arms up in fury, "Bura, you are so crass!" _

_I'm biting my lip, trying not to tell her what a bitch I think she is. _

* * *

I need you.

Where are you?

Why aren't you here?

I don't think we spoke more than a handful of times after that, and it wasn't worth it, Daddy. But I'm kind of like you, I just can't admit it, so instead of breaking things off when I realize it I jump in bed with him again over and over again. I know you think it's indulgent, but it may be the most masochistic thing I've ever done in my life. It may just be my greatest punishment.

Please believe I can find redemption in opening my legs. One of us has to.

**Playful sex with Son Goku:**

"**Hey there, **_princess, _**don't be so late!" **The trees are lush and gorgeous, damp with the dew from the peaceful, purple morning. It is cold outside, but the rising sun heats my flesh occasionally. My hair is damp from my sweat; my eyes still a little heavy as I was obviously unprepared for our morning encounter.

_Flashback to moments earlier:_

_Bura Briefs, asleep with her hair sprawled across your bed, probably snoring just slightly. Her slumber is disturbed quickly and rudely by you, oaf that you are, ITing to the foot of the bed, fully dressed might I add, and you yanked the blanket clean off me. Immediately I damn him for knowing such an awful trick. _

_I don't really move that much, I kind of open my eyes and squint at you. "What the Hell is wrong?" I ask. My arms are crossed over my naked breasts. I am trying very hard to not fly into a fit of rage at you._

_I know, sometimes, why my father hated you. That smug fucking look on your face when you get the reaction you want out of someone. You seem so pleased with yourself that your stern look turns into that cocky little smile of yours. _

_I huff at you through my bangs and immediately you send a small ki blast to my face. I grab it, falling back, but you've already gone and laughed, lifting me in your arms and then to my feet. "You're going to meet me for your training and you have two and a half minutes to get dressed and find me. I suggest you remember your flying lesson. _

"I'm only here to see what the fuss is all about." I remind him of this, because he seems to have forgotten. I stomp my boot on the ground, "So really, you need not take this _quite so seriously_, Son!"

"It's a lot of fun, but you're not disciplined at all, Bura!" Gokou almost whines this at me. Then of course he cranes his neck around to grin at me, "But as long as you're my student you get the same treatment as everyone else."

This isn't true; Gokou is much easier on me than he would have been Uub, or even Pan.

"Geeze, Bra, why didn't you try to pick this up a little earlier?" He says with something like a smile as he catches my every punch. He's really barely moving, and I'm giving it all I've got. "You're so behind!"

I growl a little bit at him, and in letting my anger get the best of me, I tried to kick him in the groin. With something like a knowing smile, he catches me by the ankle and sort of lightly tosses me against a tree.

My breath is knocked out and I am coughing. My other hand nurses the back of my skull where bone made contact with wood. "You don't play fair!" I hissed at him, almost daring him to reply:

"And how is that?" His hand are on his hips and he sort of saunters over me. He almost sounded coy, with his low murmur. I didn't think Goku could distract me like this, but as things would turn out he's actually very sexy. His features seem defined and yet light, intense and matured and yet… playful.

And that's exactly what this became: playful sex with Son Gokou on a Thursday morning when everything was still good in my life.

He grabbed me by an arm and pulled me back to my feet. "Come on, Little Bra, can't you put up a better fight than this?"

He constantly reminds me of how slow my progress is. I wonder how much of this is just for kicks.

Then I hear my father bellow my name and launch a fist directly into the back of Son Goku's head. Goku flies off of my naked body. With a scream I cover myself, sort of. My clothes are, as any just God would have seen fit, far enough away from me that I had to take that awkward walk to be decent in front of my own father.

"I'll deal with you later!" He hisses at me, following a still naked Goku into the night sky. I saw lightening and felt nature's response to my father's immense fury. I ran to grab my clothes, and then I was left to wait for my father, or Gokou, to find me and tell me what I really am, because you think I deserve no less. I ate chocolate ice cream the entire time.

Goku really took one for the team that day. And god, Dad was so pissed.

* * *

I slammed the door in his face. Immediately he has used his little instantaneous movement trick to appear right in front of me. I throw up my arms in disdain and fury. "Won't you just _fuck off?" _I hiss, "Haven't you caused enough trouble?"

"Bra, I really think we need to talk about what's been going on between us-"

"What's been going on between us is just sex, and you need to get over that."

"Bra!" He's taken me by the shoulders.

"Goku, you need to understand! I don't know how to make this any clearer for you!" I cross my arms over my chest. "I am one of the most famous women on the planet right now on virtue of who my mommy is. My dad, some alien freak, knows you and you're the toughest guy around. So I wanted to sleep with you and I did. And It turned out that you were a good time, so I did it again. I don't know why you have to take everything and make it all… sentimental… and…" I'm glaring, flailing my arms about. Why are you doing this to me? Stop trying to talk to me! Stop trying to make sense of this.

Goku looks defeated and he fades away before my very eyes. My body jerks in response to this. I'm running for the drug, have I got a need! I'm sort of laughing at myself, needing a quick fix for what was supposed to be a quick fix. Sleeping with Goku was supposed to make my life easier, not harder. My thoughts are clouded and there are weird things buzzing around in my chest.

Quick!

Light it before you feel anything.

Talking about you implies I'm thinking about you which implies I give a damn and we can't have that, now can we? I'm snarling these words at you like a wolf and not a woman, but you couldn't tell the difference, now could you?

Truth to God, my vision gets flooded with these half-memory images of the people I've loved. And then my head is crowded with the sound of their voices. Sometimes they are laughing, but mostly they are shouting or crying.

_Flashback to Good Old Times in my Brother's Company:_

"_Sometimes I can't stand how arrogant you can fucking be." This is me yelling at my brother about something. My brother laughs, rolling his eyes._

"_Arrogant? Me, Bra? Really?" He's wiggling his eyebrows at me. "You're the worst you know." He's patronizing me, great. _

"_Look, I don't know why you're being this way. All I did was go out for a few drinks with my friends." I crossed my arms over my chest. "I don't know why you want to go run and tell Mom, or Dad, for that matter."_

"_I am not going to have my little sister running around the town being a slush!" He's glaring at me. I always think of this night when he caught me. The next time we would fight like this, he discovered my fling with Son Goku and did not take well to the news. _

**This is Me watching You watch Me:**

I've just told you to leave. I broke out in to tears in front of you, sobbing about my mother's untimely death all this time after because it happens to be the anniversary. I walked straight across my place and opened the door, and you followed me through the elaborate halls, alternatively repulsed and amazed at my condo.

"Bra, I don't want you to be alone." He's following and talking at me, but I'm silent and unmoved. I need to be alone, I cannot handle it. I do not want you here right now; you cannot have this moment with me no matter how much you want it.

You will not be my hero.

"You can change your mind anytime," He says, hand at the doorway, looking at me. He's looking a little bit disheveled, and uncomfortable in his black suit. But I'm in my robe and I'm eager to close the door before anyone comes out to talk to me about how fucking sorry they are that some years ago my mom died of lung cancer of all things.

"I'll see you later," I say. Goku knows enough to not fight me on this and he leaves.

I'm alone in my room, finally, for the first time in a while and I wonder what I'll do with myself. I turn around, remarking on the pink walls and the white shag carpet to no one in particular, how everything is melodramatic and eclectic and none of it meant anything at all to either Son Goku or myself just a moment ago.

Suddenly, nothing satisfies me, not my things and certainly not Son Goku, and I am just ready to go to sleep forever. So I decide what I usually decide in these situations: to make life bearable until I wake up tomorrow morning with a million things to do and an arsenal of ways to avoid them and deflect.

I light a cigarette as I start pacing. What am I going to do with myself tonight? I have nothing to eat, nothing to read, nothing to wear, nothing to watch. I have no music to listen to; nothing entertains me or makes me feel good anymore. Snap me out of it before I run out of breath.

So I resolve to go to the bookstore, because where else would I go when I don't want to think about anything? But when I get to the door I feel something odd and I look into the peep-hole.

Don't tell anyone, but I've been working on something of a signature technique. I can see through things. Now, don't go crazy I can see through maybe, a door, clothes, I can see your heart beating inside of you, occasionally I can see your thoughts. I call my power sight. I have developed it silently my whole life.

Of course, only my father has noticed it but he had no way of realizing the extent to which I became talented, at least in this manner. He has, also, as a result learned to block me out. I probably tried to read his mind one times too many in high school. Imagine, a power that no one can control or mold. I cannot translate my ability to see through things and borderline telepathy into a ki blast easily.

What do I see? Son Goku, waiting outside of my apartment, looking around a little nervously. Do you know what this does to me? To my heart? And he doesn't even know I knew.

* * *

I'm kind of bumming around on my couch and suddenly I grab the bottle of pills off of the table before me.

I am surrounded by splendor, fame, and adoration and I could not hate myself any more.

I roll the pills around in the bottle like I roll my tongue. Something's a little bit seductive about the way that they dance so slowly in their own little self-contained bubble, all safe in their plastic shell.

I wonder if that's why they make me feel like that so often.

Oh, god, I've stopped making sense entirely, haven't I?

You know, Dad always had this thing against drugs. He said that Saiya-Jins do not put anything unnecessary in their bodies. I smoke and I drink, just like my mother.

I guess I'm sort of destined to die from, of all things, my own lifestyle, just like her. I can see anything I put my mind to, if I tried hard enough, I'm sure, but even though my future seems so predictable to anyone it's a slow motion train wreck that I cannot, and to a lesser extent will not, prevent.

After I pass out I have a dream of you. Call it a response to trying to read your thoughts so often, I dream of you. Usually in my dreams you stand right in front of me, naked and smiling, and I don't know what to do with that or with you but I don't have any pills in my dreams to make the unnerving feelings you give me go away.

* * *

"I care about you!" He bellows, taking me by the shoulders.

"I never asked for that!" I hiss back, trying to rip myself from his arms.

"You need to stop doing this!" Gokou insists, ignoring my previous statement. He does that so well these days. He's gesturing at everything. He's frazzled as I've ever seen him.

I kind of stomp my foot, because it's the first thing I can think to do to convey my annoyance and indignity at one. "I don't want to care about anything! We've made our choices, Gokou, you and I. I made my choice to live this way, and you made your choice to accept that. There's no going back now, there's no changing me!"

"Bura, you're not sleeping, you're not eating, you're always just sitting around, reading, sleeping, or out doing I don't _know _what in the middle of the night when you sneak off on me."

"I have a social life, Goku. Hop off my nuts." I scowl at him.

Gokou has taken this to mean, in one of her more colorful forms, leave it alone. So like Vegeta she could be. He glares at me, and I can sense his thoughts. I can sense him thinking that one of these days he won't just let it go because I say so. But that's all I can get. It's kind of amazing how cruel I am in his eyes.

I think I developed this power as a result of a huge desire, even paranoia, regarding what people think of me or are saying about me. It follows easily, then, that at this point the only thoughts I can make out distinctly are clear thoughts that are regarding me. The person must be very sure of this thing that they are thinking, basically, and this thing that they are surely thinking must revolve around me.

What can I say? I'm a narcissist.

* * *

"This piece of shit!" I shout, throwing the offending item to the floor. In an instant he is by me, my darling housemate come to see what's wrong.

He's smiling at me a little bit, amused at me. In his thoughts he's considering how like my mother I am and I bristle at the thought. He's picking up the pieces for me, fixing the cell phone and handing it back to me. His smile is bright.

I shove my hand in my bag and grab a cigarette. I promptly walk away from him, I'm smoking outside and he's followed me. "You know, I'm glad you decided to come and live here."

"Goku, I'm not living here, we just see each other when it suits me."

Sourly, he thinks about how I make a point of this by stepping out at nights after he's fallen asleep unless he keeps me up all night. I can only smile and give a little half-scoff, half-laugh at the thought. He looks at me, confused and concerned. "What?"

"Nothing," I say. He wonders why I look at him "that way," but drops the subject. I would never tell Goku about my power. If he can use his IT move to drive me insane then I can probe his mind. It's only fair.

"Bra," He looks at me genuinely, taking my hand in his, "you know, you don't have to try so hard to not feel anything. I won't think badly of you, you know, if you admit you like spending time with me."

* * *

You know Gokou, I've been thinking. They say that you used to work on some special team that protected the world from threats, or whatever. But later it always seemed to me that no matter who was telling the story, at some point the narrator must admit that you became all about the power eventually. They would always have to stop a little bit and relay that Son Gokou, just like the rest of them, at heart loved fighting. That he preferred one-on-one fights and enjoyed exhibiting his strength as much as he did obtaining it.

The world of fighting, I guess that was your circus. That's where you had the power. Too bad we're in your bed so often, too bad the world is at peace and there's nothing left to fight but the guilt and me.

So I guess this is me rationalizing again, thinking about how _selfish _and _imperfect _you really are, after all. It's kind of a relief; I was rather getting over you and the whole saint act. It's not easy, you know. Being me. Knowing you. None of it is easy and you hardly give me any credit at all.

Here I am, slaving away, trying my damn hardest to not fall in love with you. I don't want to see you ever again. I want you to get out of my life and stay out. We can screw around when it's convenient, but it looks like it's never going to be convenient because you're not making it easy for me to not love you. I won't love you, and I won't let you have me.

You're looking at me, smiling big, kissing my shoulders. You're not making this easy, you know.

* * *

**-CL **


End file.
